Anthony Goldstein

Rabbi Bloom and Father Michael get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are crushed but amazingly neither of the holy men are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, Rabbi Bloom sees the priest's collar and says, "Just look at our cars - there's nothing left, but we're unhurt. You're a priest and I'm a rabbi so it must be a sign from God. He must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

Father Michael replies, "I agree with you completely. This truly must be a sign from God."

Rabbi Bloom then says, "Look - here's another miracle. Although my car is wrecked, this bottle of wine didn't break. God must want us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

He hands the bottle to the priest and Father Michael takes a few big swigs and passes the bottle back to Rabbi Bloom who puts the cork back in and hands it back to the priest.

Father Michael asks, "Aren't you having any wine?"

"No. I think I'll just wait for the police," says Rabbi Bloom.

So, you remember that spell I was working on, a few months back? The one that should give you a back massage? I think I've made a breakthrough. Tomorrow, I'll start testing on it.

I'm thinking of throwing a party. That's the only way I'll be invited to one!

Nicholas and Abe found themselves delivered together to Hell. One was Christian and the other Jewish.

A little confused at their present situation, they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and was covered in thick black hair. Flies circled her and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.

The voice of the Devil was heard, "Nicholas, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!"

Nicholas groaned as he was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.
This understandably shook up Abe and so he jumped when a second door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of... Kim Kardashian?!???!

Delighted, Abe jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, barely dressed in a skimpy bikini.

Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying, "KIM, you have sinned...."


Yesterday I got back from my extended holiday, abroad. The only souvenir I brought back, though, was a new arm! It's a magical prosthetic, but very realistic. Also very handy, har har! I can't cast spells with it, but I can do just about everything else. I'm actually writing this entry using the arm.

The good thing about my work is that you can always leave your project to come back to later, without much problem. My team has started creating a new Charm, which we're really not supposed to discuss, but I'm also tweaking that massaging spell I started months before.

That spell is tougher than it first seems.

So, St. Mungo's has told me there's a spell that can help me. When cast, it will generate a new arm and hand for myself out of magical energy. The down side, is that I won't feel sensation from it, but I'll be able to use it like a real hand.

The spell is complicated, and is classified as Dark Arts, though I'm not entirely sure why. It must have something to do with the way the hand is generated from the soul of the one who casts the spell, and thus binds the caster to the recipient in such a way that can be taken advantage of, if the caster didn't have scruples. They think they've gotten around that - they're going to teach me the spell so I can cast it on myself.

Which isn't going to be as easy as it sounds, since I'm doing it left-handed.

SO, that's how my Wednesday is going to be like. Wish me luck?

[handwriting is different and lopsided in areas]

I'm home now. Practicing writing with my left hand. Also been practicing how to cast spells. It's like learning them all over again.

I've brought the calculations I was working on here to work on, even though I've been given time off. It's something for me to do.

[written with the default writing setting of a Dictaquill]

I guess I'm a little less handsome than I was before, but I've got to hand it to the Healers - they really know their handiwork for getting a handle on the situation. Though, instead of giving me a helping hand, I've lost one.

The arm, too... up to my elbow.

Maybe now I'll be able to answer that zen koan, 'What is the sound of one hand clapping?'

This is a little known tale of how G-d came to give the Jews the Ten Commandments.

G-d first went to the Egyptians and asked them if they would like a commandment. "What's a commandment?" they asked.

"Well, it's like, THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY," replied G-d.

The Egyptians thought about it and then said, "No way, that would ruin our weekends."

So then G-d went to the Assyrians and asked them if they would like a commandment. They also asked, "What's a commandment?"

"Well," said G-d, "It's like, THOU SHALT NOT STEAL."

The Assyrians immediately replied, "No way. That would ruin our economy."

So finally G-d went to the Jews and asked them if they wanted a commandment.

They asked, "How much?"

G-d said, "They're free."

The Jews said, "Great! We'll take TEN!"

Back to work tomorrow. Passover isn't officially over yet, but I can't afford to take off any more time. Besides, if I stay any longer at my grandparents' house, I'm going to turn into them. NOT THAT I DON'T LOVE YOU, if you're reading this zayde and bubbe!

Trying to keep the Sabbath, I haven't been keeping up with the journals these past couple of days - what's this I hear about lust potions in Cauldron Cakes??? And I missed it?!?!

I'm taking a few days off from work, starting tomorrow, to celebrate Passover. Going straight to my grandparents' house after I finish up here at the Ministry. I have mixed feelings about this, because while I love them and, oh yeah, good food, they keep haranguing me about why I haven't found a nice, Jewish girl to marry like my brother, David. The last two years, my grandma actually introduced me to ladies she met at the synagogue, who she thought would be a good match. These 'matches' just ended up awkward for the both of us.

I wonder what grandma has in store this year?

After hours of PAINSTAKING research, I've found out that a back muscle massage Charm was attempted twice before. The first, was in 1974, but the attempt failed. Instead of relaxing the muscles, it kind of melted them. The spell was reclassified as a Curse and wasn't taken up again until 1997, when the intensity of the Charm couldn't be calibrated well enough, and it seriously harmed the test subject and sent her to St. Mungo's for Spell Damage, where she never quite recovered.

My supervisors in the Committee gave me the authorization to go ahead and tinker with my own version of the spell. In my spare time.

What do you call a Death Eater with one brain cell?

Gifted.


What do you call a Death Eater with two brain cells?

Pregnant.

Ginny, if you can read this, I'm sorry to hear what happened. Here's to a speedy recovery and the capture of the bastard who did this.